One of the most complicated things about life is that it is simple. Yes, it is so simple that we often miss what is right before us.
The two most sought-out and desired things in life are romantic relationships – love- and money. And, for the love of money, or for the wanting of love, there is almost nothing that most people won’t do.
Well, let’s be more clear – there’s nothing they won’t do until they have it and sabatough this for themselves. People start to earn money and then it all falls away; people fall in love and just as everything seems perfect, their mate turns into a monster and all hell breaks loose. You see, when people are willing to do almost anything, they become more flexible. They are more allowing and forgiving of life, work or the people they are romantically interested in. They are willing to go with the flow and be a part of the tribe – and then things change.
Once people feel that they are loved or that they can earn more money (even when this isn’t the reality) they change their tribal-ways, replacing the flexibility and willingness to be a part of. In its place come their non-tribal ways, or ‘lone wolf’ ways. These tend to look like beliefs that they should be treated specially, earning more money than others, being allowed to set their own sch
edules, or do things with no consideration of others. In love this looks like being right while your mate is wrong; being the one that should make decisions about money, where you both go and what you do.
Tribes Don’t Wear Pants
The common relationship, which is often empty or headed for separation, is one in which one person holds the power and wears the pants. The second person is often resentful, feels limited and, of course, un-empowered. To give you a better picture of this, let’s look at such a relationship in action. I am a spiritual medium or channel as well as a businesswoman. In my small business with my husband, we encounter a lot of other ‘mom and pop’ businesses made up of couples. Regardless of the gender make-up of the couple, we generally find couples who will bicker before us and even quiet or insult their partner before others. Couple after couple, these relationships are relationships in which one person makes the business decisions and the other is considered lesser: not business-savvy, not as knowledgeable about the business to make decisions or ‘creative’ and just along for the ride. While we do all need to play to our strengths, these relationships attempt to form mini-tribes, or families, but are unstable because true equality is lacking. Someone is wearing the pants in the family, which leaves the other person in a less-than position.
Tribes Are Inclusive
A tribe was traditionally a small group that was dedicated to itself. While there was a leader in a tribe, there always were elders, all of which partook in the tribe. The tribe provided a place of belonging, a place of safety and security and a place to live your life within a community. A tribe was meant to meet the needs of all, so that chores had to be done, but it also allowed for individual gifts and pursuits.
In today’s modern age, one thing that we are all missing is our tribe. We try to create these by having families, but the tribal gifts are missing because we are all trying to be a tribe of one. Our careers are only about us, generally speaking, and we can only rely on ourselves. In a marriage or committed relationship, people begin to pool their resources together, but then fight over money, money being the number one reason most committed relationships end. In other words, a tribal or communal mindset is not being practiced, but rather an individualistic mode in which the money is trying to be controlled by one member only.
In a true tribal relationship, there is room for us all. A leader might make the ultimate decisions, but this person, generally a masculine flow, takes direction from others, generally the feminine flow. More specifically, regardless of the sex of a person, we all have a gender flow, which generally corresponds to our being male or female. Each gender flow has a strength- the masculine leads and asserts, the feminine directs and receives. We all have some of each flow in us, but one is dominant. When we know our strength, then we begin to know our place in the tribe.
When we participate in a tribe, whether it is a marriage, at work or in any other grouping of people, we play a role that allows us our voice in the tribe, while having us be a part of the tribe. Whether we are the masculine leader roles or the feminine director roles this means that we are a significant part of a whole. We influence the group, so that we are empowered and have our voice even when we are not leaders. Then we must be flexible and go along with the decisions of the leader.
The strength to a tribe is that it offers far more than we could accomplish on our own. Tribes can provide members more safety and security, more love, more creative time and more abundance than one could create in their lives on their own, whether it is a marriage of two, a band of five, a small business of ten.
So why don’t we all participate in a tribe? We try to- we all want to be loved and we all want to be a part of more financial abundance. Being a part of such a thing is quite simple and natural to us all. However, its simplicity eludes most. This is because our society doesn’t necessarily teach us the benefits of working together and learning that, even when we are right, it can often be better to be a group. We insist that we know how to do something or we insist on being a leader of no one, just ourselves, not realizing that this provides few leadership opportunities. We don’t always see that bending in healthy ways in order to be a part of something greater means greater opportunities for us in the long run.
Be A Tribe
One of the easiest ways to lean towards being a tribe member is just by listening to what others have to say. People often are quiet while another speaks, but they don’t listen, as their own ideas are running through their mind. An open mind and an open heart mean that we truly leave room for another’s words or ideas and we honor these. Making ourselves tribe-able means keeping an open mind and heart, which leave the door open to more love, money and anything else we might desire, a lot of which comes through the collective creation of a tribe.
Kalyn is a medium or channel of The Oracle. Dedicated to her own spiritual path, Kalyn loves writing about spirituality and especially enjoys finding the spiritual sides of films in her Spiritual Cinema blogs. Kalyn is an author and does personal coaching,www.coachmaven.com, in addition to having The Oracle give classes and spiritual retreats.